I’ve never been in a serious relationship despite my desire to one day marry. God is teaching me to hold that desire loosely.
I have always been reluctant to contribute to the cacophony of opinions about singleness. There is no shortage of blog posts or think-pieces that explore this topic. Sometimes it is spoken of as if it is a chronic condition in need of a cure or a gift that most Christians don’t want. Often it is framed as suffering. Others speak of it with contempt or an eventual resignation that this will always be their lot.
Yet the assumption underlying the majority of these conversations about singleness and dating is that the intended audience has been in a relationship or is dating on a regular basis but just hasn’t yet met his or her spouse. But there is one perspective I have yet to read, and it’s that of a person who is perpetually single.
This is my story, this is my song: I am a 30-something single woman and I have never been in a dating relationship. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve never brought anyone home to meet my family. I’ve never been pursued or even sought after.
In my early 20s, people thought my singleness was endearing. In my late 20s, endearment regressed to bewilderment. As I entered my early 30s, bewilderment morphed into mystification. And now that I’m in my mid-30s, mystification has become downright weirdness.
Never a “Girlfriend”
Honestly, I’m not sure how it happened. After all, I don’t subscribe to the eisegetical interpretation of Proverbs 18:22—“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord”—that is falsely preached as prescriptive and keeps women waiting on men while simultaneously restricting their agency, rendering them passive in their love life. While this verse is certainly true, when proverbs …